Birthday!
Mother and Father.
Regardless of preference; the phrase lends itself to the two people who can make or break you simply by being themselves...
My own parents are brilliant people. I'm starting to realize just how brilliant they are and I am more than happy with how our relationships have developed, however reluctantly, over the years.
I have deliberately worked at my relationship with my dad. Up until I was fifteen I was convinced we would never have anything in common, see eye to eye or even enjoy each others company.
Luckily, once again, Music made itself useful and gave us the common ground we needed to develop our embryonic relationship into something of substance.
Me and my mum understand each other well, I know I have the ability to speak her language and she definitely has the power to speak mine.
She always, like most mothers, knows what's going on with her children, without being invasive, or even asking us about it!
I have always thought that if I ever did 'come out' I wouldn't even have to say much.
I remember when I was twelve and I said - 'I really fancy someone at school and I don't know whether to ask them out.'
and she replied - 'Really? Is it a girl or a boy?'
Just like that. When she said it; she didn't seem concerned or worried or suspect. Just genuinely interested. It was like it actually made no difference to her...
I also remember, months later, I'd just started finding porn on the internet and so naturally I spent a lot of spare time at thirteen hunting through its nether-regions....
I had been looking at it for ages but had only recently started watching gay porn and my mum was only just figuring out how to use Internet Explorer properly.
Because I knew she was getting to grips with it, I knew I had to be more careful and make sure I was erasing the history so she wouldn't find anything. Plus I would only look at porn when I knew no-one was in the house so I was convinced my method was foolproof.
One day my mum came home early and I hadn't heard her, until she started walking up the stairs. I panicked and switched off the computer at the wall as quickly and quietly as I could and by the time she came in I was already pretending to be turning off the Playstation.
She greeted me as normal, complaining that I had been playing the Playstation when she left and moaning about some work she needed to get off the internet.
I acted nonchalant but panicked as I began to realise I hadn't cleared the history. I couldn't wait in the room to see if she would notice, so I made an excuse about being hungry and left...
About fifteen minutes later, when I had relaxed and began actually making some food she came downstairs. She went to put the kettle on and said, (in the voice you would use if you were talking about someone in the next room) -
'When you use the computer can you make sure you clear the history because I don't want your sister to accidentally see something she shouldn't'
Heart in throat, I have never blushed so instantly... I uttered a 'Yes' and she began talking to me about how ridiculous her day had been...
Its a weird position to be in.
Her behavior is certainly genuine, with no air of pretense or fakery. In which case it would seem that, historically, she is likely to accept the information the most willingly.
In many ways this is good to know.
I know people who have been is MUCH worse parental positions....
In other news.... It's my birthday!
I really want to get a new video camera, my old one is only windows compatible and the microphone is temperamental, but I haven't really had time to drop any significant hints so I guess I'll get what I'm given!
How's 2010 working out for you?
Sam
11 January 2010 at 00:31
Hey happy birthday
I feel you on this one, I'm selectively out and not really comfortable in that position, but it's better than 100% closeted.
If you really think your mom has known for a while about your sexuality and that she's ok with it, maybe you should tell her so she can help you figure out the next steps. It depends on the kind of relationship you have with her. just IMHO
11 January 2010 at 02:21
I know you're right...
I agree and like I said in the update, I can see the benefit of being selectively out and as much as I feel my mum may understand; I know she would want me to tell my dad just so she didn't feel like she was keeping a secret with me from him...
which is fair enough - they share everything else...
I just feel like I need to tell someone who can keep it to themselves entirely to begin with.
I don't know how fair it is to expect that though - after all its a lot to just dump on someone unexpectedly (?)
Thanks Eduardo
x
(what does IMHO mean?!)
15 January 2010 at 05:10
"IMHO" means "in my humble opinion". I hear you there; I always forget these initialisms :P
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Seriously belated though it may be lol. *hugs*
Your mum sounds like she know what she's talking about; a common-sense woman. I think I agree with Eduardo; maybe you should tell her. But maybe she doesn't/you don't feel you need to tell her? Or maybe you should wait until the end of this year. Who knows.
Oh, gosh. How will you cope with all my comments? :P