The List
Remember when you were 13 years old and you were writing a list of invites to a party?
You'd fill your mind with all the politics of the invites. If I invite X then Y and Z will have to come too or I don't want A there but if not, B wont come at all...
The amount of people on the list would fluctuate between every man and his dog; to just you and the twiglets.
Well I have been writing a 'hypothetical' list of people I would and would not come out to and it feels exactly the same.
I spent so long over it that I just had to put it down here to see it in bold text...
I realised that my life is pretty clean cut into separate circles.
My Family. (Immediate and extended)
My Work mates. (Music and Bar)
My Course mates.
My 'Old' friends.
My House mates.
The drama is working who to tell and why. Personally I don't feel like its EVERYONES business. But seeing as the circles I'm in are pretty social, I have to account (as best as possible) for the domino effect...
SO
My Family:
I would tell the immediate and then consult my mum on the rest. If I tell my Mum I'd have to tell my Dad too, which is acceptable. My brother is least likely to get it, mainly because he's a definate 'LAD LAD LAD' and despite being brought up with my mother who specialises in teaching sexual health, his mates have certainly jaded his view on what not being straight is about. My sister, probably most liberal and accepting, would have to be told at the same time as my brother. I am hoping at thirteen she is old enough to understand?
Workmates:
The bar knows, they were the safest circle because they all understand and most are in the same boat or have been so... good times. Unfortunately this does not really facilitate me acting on my identity so despite being helpful, they were probably the least important on the scale. lol.
Music - I'm not going to tell them, unless I reach the point that I have a boyfriend or something, we never discuss that kind of thing so I guess; unless they bring it up, I'm not making a beacon of myself.
Coursemates:
I'm close to my whole course (its very small, so everyones pretty tightly knit) but there are two people I would want to tell, my friend Jenny (lesbian) and Catrina (Bi). They would never tell people, mainly because they have been in similar situations themselves... (side note: Jenny may already suspect? I hope so... life would be easier)
'Old' friends:
My friends from back home are the complicated ones. Despite the fact Ben and I have moved to separate cities for uni; the rest of them stayed in our city for uni, so we are very much still a unit.
Tim, Dave, Jake, Charlie and Ben. (And my best friend Andrea, from childhood, we are incredibly similar and interestingly not only do I believe she knows, but I suspect she may be in the same boat...? But she isn't part of the circle I'm referring to)
Ben is gay. So telling him would be easiest. But I just can't roll up and declare it, no matter how much I want to believe it will be no surprise (I promise to tell that story soon).
Tim is great. He'll get it. Aside from Ben I believe he would be the most normal about it. I also believe he will be most reluctant to accept it as a truth.
Dave is pretty self-absorbed so he'll brush it off like anything else. He's got his own issues.
Jake and I are very similar in tastes and opinions. Except on one topic. Three guesses which.... He has such an abject fear of being mislabelled 'gay' that he rarely assosiates with Ben (I do think it's entirely subconcious though...) and I would like to avoid similar treatment.
Charlie, (previously posted about my first gay experience with him) though understanding, and apparently straight; is an incredible drama queen with information like this. When Ben came out he just kept worrying about whether he was safe, and whether he was 'being safe' - though helpful, this is the type of thing you expect to hear from your mother and I certainly wouldn't tell him first because he is also incapable of keeping a secret.
My house mates.
So here's the deal. I want to have sex. I want to bring people home. I want to date. SO somewhere along this line it means I have to tell my flatmates SOMETHING. One of them is gay. Miki So thats no big deal- he'll be really supportive (I imagine?). The girls I live with could be weird about it, but I don't really talk to two of them anyway. But the third, Raquel, is a close friend. Me, Raquel and Miki are much closer now so I am hoping this will be good enough to drop the info...
Nothing is certain. But I guess it's time I started considering this thing properly.
It would be so much easier if I had a house to myself!
... But then I guess no man is an island?
Sam
16 January 2010 at 17:05
wow wow buddy you're at cruising speed there! Start with those you know will take it nicely cause that way they'll be there to counterbalance the rougher ones. And those you need to tell so you can make your sex life easier, that is, your house mates. For the rest, no hurry... If they find out from someone else, just play the "I was afraid of your reaction" card. All this coming from someone who doesn't half the courage you're facing it with...